YOU'RE stronger than you think. Release trauma and find what you love
Exercise: MAKE A LIST OF YOUR HOBBIES and WHY and HOW they benefit your life. They can help release trauma
Although a lot of the trauma that I have been working through stems from earlier years, there is one particular trauma in recent years that I have held onto and never felt like I received any justice for.
My first few months in Vietnam were challenging and although there was a lot of fun travelling, teaching and partying, there was also a lack of stability.
The first 6 months were “rocky” to say the least. I surrounded myself with
people that in retrospect made me feel devalued and found myself in a situation
where I felt bullied at the age of 23/24 (all of them have left Vietnam now and
might never take ownership or realize the impact of their actions. I have accepted it and it's okay because this is my narrative; maybe they have theirs).
These people
made my life difficult and I lived in a house that I had suffered the trauma of
burglary; a stranger entered my room and stole belongings as I slept a few days
after Christmas. We couldn’t get any help from the police.
Just when I thought
the trauma couldn’t get any worse, a month later I was sexually assaulted by a
Vietnamese man on a night bus travelling from central Vietnam to Hanoi (north),
I froze during the event when I woke up; I couldn’t believe what was happening
to me and up until recently had a lot of shame and sadness surrounding the
event. I also didn’t tell my Mom until a few weeks ago (March 2021; the event occurred
February 2019) because I didn’t want to worry her. In retrospect I also don't think I told her because in my own head Vietnam was my last option. I was running my whole life; moving schools throughout my childhood from small town to small town, going to University studying a course I began questioning early on, moving to London, so Vietnam needed to work. (I'm now also aware that I had been running from myself).
I confided
in one of the bullies (whom I thought was my friend at the time) when we got
off the bus and within a few hours the event was forgotten about and never
mentioned again.
I had ONE
friend that is still my friend to this day that I could confide in during the
horrific time and felt a lot of shame because of the agony and problems that I
had put on her shoulders.
A month
later, I moved out of the toxic environment I had been living in for myself and
my own mental wellbeing. I hadn’t paid a deposit when I moved into the house so
I moved out of the house a month after giving the landlord notice and the
landlord chose to keep the original tenants deposit (who was back in the UK, I had
never met him).
I was then
accused of “stealing”.
After these
few months I realized I needed an escape (which also included a lot of partying).
Hobbies kept my mind and body busy from the trauma I had suffered.
I now know NONE of these things were my fault. I've held onto the sadness, shame and guilt for long enough. I have been working hard to forgive, truly forgive. How I can let go of an event that has haunted me, and continues to haunt me. I have been working hard to forgive (truly forgiving to the core of my soul) because the anniversary of the event has sent me spiralling twice, and I refuse to allow it haunt me for the rest of my life. Life is beautiful, and letting go, truly letting go can set you free.
Hobbies are an important release. They are under-rated when you grow up, when you become your career and goals. So here are some hobbies of mine that have gotten me through the tougher times (even when I was unaware that I was suffering).
Traveling
It's what i came to Vietnam to do !
Boxing
After the
assault, I lost a lot of weight from stress. I was approached by a boxing trainer from a gym that had just opened. I never liked the idea of contact sports but learning the technique of kickboxing
gave me and output for the anger I felt during those months and helped me keep the weight off that i had always wanted to lose.
Dancing
Since I was
a child, I enjoyed dancing. I befriended a Zumba teacher and I joined her
class. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed the freedom of expression.
Drawing/
Art
A hobby I’ve
dipped in and out of throughout my life. Getting a job as a Kindergarten
teacher and hosting “art nights” during lockdown re introduced my love for art.
Meeting
friends
Listening
to music
An escape
for most people.
Games
Game nights
and quizzes got us all through lockdown.
Watching
Netflix/ YouTube
Since moving
into my own apartment in May 2020, I have used YouTube as an educational resource
for myself. I love to learn about astrology, the philosophy behind Yoga, spirituality, Buddhism and recently have began exploring Taoism.
Meditation
and yoga
A friend
introduced guided meditation to me in my final year of university and have used
it as a resource since. When I began practicing Yoga regularly in summer 2020, I
was already physically fit and realized that I wanted to connect my body and
mind more.
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